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Questions for Feb 6 1. question Ok, here's the deal. I met this girl who is soooo hot, hella freaky and all around great. But there's one thing that is stopping her from doing anything serious. She has a boyfriend in another town. I mean, he's not really her bf, but they didn't break up when she moved here. My crush, (who is kinda like my gf cuz we're always flirting, getting' in trouble in class) doesn't know that I know this. She told a friend of mine and in turn, the friend told me. She said that she'd tell me when the time was right. What do you think I should do? HELP!!!! answer Okay dude - reign in your hormones until we figure this one out because I don't want you to get your heart hurt by a girl who can't make up her mind. I know, you think she's awesome - and she might be all that - but let's look at this rationally for a minute... How can a girl kind-of-but-not-really have a boyfriend? It sounds to me like she definitely has a boyfriend and knows it. She even said that she and this guy "didn't break-up," and she obviously feels that if she does "anything serious" she'll be cheating on this other dude. Just because she's "planning" to end this relationship, that doesn't mean we can all carry on like she's single. Here's a girl in a similar situation, read what we told her: http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=5&qid=386&ind=25&cq=15 The fact that she's playing flirty-touchy with you is misleading, don't you think? I mean, it's got you thinking that she's virtually your girlfriend when, technically, she's taken. It seems to come as a surprise to you that she has someone else, which means she must be giving you a 'single' vibe. This happens all the time, read this girls story: http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=1&qid=88 So, what to do? Good golly! And other outdated exclamations! I can't tell you how many letters we get from people who have been confused, concerned, or completely conflicted by "he said, she said." Why-oh-why can't we all skip the middleman and just be up front with one another? See, it's put you in a jam that you have heard one person's private information from another person. On one hand, you probably wish you'd never heard it. On the other hand, it's good that you have heard it so you can protect yourself. On the third hand, if you say anything to the girl, you put your friend in hot water for "telling." On the fourth hand, if you don't say anything to her you are neglecting to get the straight story. See how many hands you need to juggle this kind of deal. It's tough! These folks also relied on middlemen and see where it landed them: http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=5&qid=450&ind=12&cq=0 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=5&qid=387&ind=29&cq=15 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=5&qid=376&ind=36&cq=30 Ideally, the girl should've been up front with you but we can't change what has already happened. She has chosen to deal with it this way and, she may have a good explanation after all. The only way to find out is to talk to her about it. I know, you think you might ruin things or put her on the spot or get your other friend in trouble but I foresee a lot more trouble all around if you let this one slide. You will begin to question her behavior and motivations. How will you know where things stand? Be upfront, this girl did, and things are a little clearer: http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=5&qid=169&ind=59&cq=45 If you get an instinct that she's actually a nice, sweet and mature gal, then chances are a conversation will set things straight. I would approach her when you can get some privacy -- be confident but not accusatory. You can tell her how you feel about her and that you have felt a connection between the two of you - just what you told us - then, simply state that you just want to be sure you're not going to get your feelings hurt. If you are direct you give others the idea that you expect to be treated with directness. This may make it easier for your crush to clue you in on what she's dealing with. But, ya know, relationships are tough. Read about them here: http://www.zaphealth.com/relationships_intimate.htm Good luck! Let us know how it goes! 2. question I'm a cheerleader so I workout a lot. I do 150-210 sit-ups/crunches 3-5 days a week. I want to know other ways to work my abs so they look better and so the flab on the lower abs would go away. Any advice? zap answer Unfortunately there's a limit to what crunches OR sit-ups can accomplish. They work your abdominal muscles in a certain way - which tones and strengthens them, but won't necessarily do anything about the layer of fat on top. Some people even find that crunches bulk up their abdominal muscles - and this usually isn't what they're after. To lose weight and "fat" and slim your tummy, your best bet is a program of healthy eating and regular cardiovascular exercise. Talk to your doctor, coach or trainer about a good plan designed for you. A fitness plan will normally involve cardiovascular workouts of at least 30 or 40 minutes, at least 3 to 5 times per week. Cardio exercise is the kind that gets your heart beating and your blood pumping. It's really an important part of your overall health and it's often what works best for achieving a flatter tummy. Your cheerleading practice is probably a great workout, but make sure you are really getting that heart rate up and getting warm during practice. But be careful to stretch and warm up before you do any exercise, especially cheering stunts. Cheerleaders get injured all the time, so take care: http://www.zaphealth.com/exercise_cheerleading.htm More tips about exercise and diet that can help tighten the tummy: http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=2&qid=85 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=2&qid=10 http://www.zaphealth.com/exercise_gettingfit.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/weight_nutrition.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/weight_fastfood.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/weight_noon_munchies.htm All that being said, let us remind you that a TOTALLY flat tummy isn't necessarily natural or healthy, especially for women and girls. Many of us have natural, beautiful curves - and there's no reason to try to diet or exercise them away. 3. question Lately my friend has been hanging out with people who have a negative influence on her. She has been smoking and drinking a lot. I've tried to talk to her, but she doesn't listen. I think she's been kinda depressed lately, and this new crowd isn't helping! What else can I do to help her? zap answer That sounds like a tough situation. When a friend is hurting, all you want to do is reach out and help, but sometimes this can be hard to do. If she's hanging out with people you don't like or making choices you don't agree with, it can make you frustrated, upset or angry. These feelings only complicate your efforts to help. Our first suggestion would be to sit down with her and talk - it sounds like you've already done this, but it may be worth trying a few different conversations. When you talk to her, did you focus on her depression or on the smoking and drinking? Either way, it may help to frame it in terms of how worried you are: you care about her and want her to be healthy and happy. You're worried that she's not doing so well. You want to help. If the message clearly comes from a place of love (not accusations) she's less likely to be defensive. If talking doesn't get you very far, you might try a little action instead. Try to plan some activities together. Choose things that get her away from her "bad influence" friends - and hopefully, out of her depressed mood. Maybe you could take a class together, get involved in a sport, volunteer at a local charity or do some journal writing together. Here are some ideas: http://www.zaphealth.com/mental_express.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/mental_stress_coping.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/exercise_getting_psyched.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/exercise_yoga.htm If you feel that your friend is really in trouble, then you should talk to an adult (her parents, your parents, a teacher or counselor). Though you might think this is betraying a trust, you can't handle the burden by yourself. Getting an adult involved is the safest and best way to make sure she gets help. You obviously care very much for your friend and you've made yourself available as someone she can talk to and cry to. This probably is a lot of help to her (more than you know). There is no easy way to help a depressed person get better, this takes a mental health professional and a willingness on her part to get help. For more info on how to help a friend, check out: http://www.zaphealth.com/mental_friends.htm If you want more info on depression, read this (you might even email a copy to your friend): http://www.zaphealth.com/mental_depression.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/girls_depression.htm When people are seriously depressed, they can be at risk for suicide. Get information about this here and if this at all sounds like your friend, get help immediately: http://www.zaphealth.com/mental_suicide.htm You could also try to educate her about the dangers of drinking and smoking (is it possible that she just doesn't know?). Again, try to take a concerned tone, rather than accusing her of doing these things. For more info on alcohol, tobacco and drugs, check out: http://www.zaphealth.com/alcohol_intro.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/alcohol_tobacco_effects.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/alcohol_binge_drinking.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/alcohol_quitsmoking.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/drg_marijuana.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/drg_intro.htm For resources that can help someone deal with depression, take a look at: http://www.zaphealth.com/hotlines.html#mental http://www.zaphealth.com/resources.html#mental Good luck with your friend. We hope she gets the help she needs. To read what we wrote to other concerned friends and family, check out: http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=3&qid=308&ind=8&cq=0 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=3&qid=444 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=1&qid=317 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=5&qid=79 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=5&qid=72 4. question Me and my boyfriend have just started having sex, we have been using condoms and plan on using them all the time. After our second time, the condom fell off as he pulled out, it sort of stayed in me, but not completely, it was half in half out. Could I be pregnant? I'm not experienced cause it was only my second time so I don't know what to do, I need help! zap answer It's good that you and your boyfriend are committed to using condoms each and every time you have sex. They are quite effective in preventing pregnancy and disease when they are used the right way, but unfortunately, people don't always use them correctly. Having the condom fall off when the guy pulls out CAN cause a pregnancy. This is why it's so important for one of you to hold onto the condom at the base of the penis when he's pulling out. Read about this and other tips for using condoms correctly: http://www.zaphealth.com/sex_condoms_howto.htm And some common condom mistakes to avoid: http://www.zaphealth.com/sex_condoms_mistakes.htm Now, if the open end of the condom stayed outside of you, it's possible that none of the cum spilled into your vagina. That would be good news. Do you think you were able to pull the condom out of you before any spilling happened? Did all the liquid seem to stay inside the condom? You may very well have caught the problem before a disaster occurred. If the cum did get inside you, then you would be at risk not only for pregnancy, but also for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). In fact, there are even a few diseases, like herpes and genital warts, which can be spread from parts of the body not covered by a condom (like the testicles), so it's important to know if your partner has ever been exposed to these diseases. Read up on STDs to understand the risks: http://www.zaphealth.com/STDs_Gen.htm If you think that cum did spill into your vagina, you should watch out for any signs of pregnancy. For instance, if your period doesn't come on schedule this month, you'll probably want to get a pregnancy test. Read more about signs of pregnancy and pregnancy testing: http://www.zaphealth.com/preg_pregnancy_test.htm Because accidents can occasionally happen with condoms, many people choose to use a "back-up" method of birth control, such as the Pill. Read about your birth control options: http://www.zaphealth.com/birthcon_intro.htm There is also something known as "emergency contraception" which can be used when regular birth control fails (such as when a condom breaks). Get more information about this here: http://www.zaphealth.com/birthcon_emergencies.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/sex_condombreaks.htm Regular GYN exams are important for any sexually active female. You are beginning your sexual active life, it is important that you have someone to talk to about these issues. Have you been to the gynecologist yet? Read about what to expect and make an appointment: http://www.zaphealth.com/girls_gynexams.htm If you aren't sure where to go to get a GYN exam or a pregnancy test, you may want to call one of the hotline numbers listed here: http://www.zaphealth.com/hotlines.html#preg 5. question What is the fastest way to get rid of a zit? I always pick at them and try to pop them. Is that right? answer No popping, picking or squeezing allowed!! We totally understand the urge (you feel pus and other nasty stuff in there and you want to get it out!) But, messing with pimples almost always makes them look worse, and, in the long run, it can lead to more and more acne. The best way to deal with pimples is prevention. Read about what causes acne and how to stop it before it starts: http://www.zaphealth.com/skin_acne_causes.htm If you find that a good, basic skin care routine still leaves you with the occasional pimple, there are plenty of good treatments: http://www.zaphealth.com/skin_acne.htm http://www.zaphealth.com/skin_zithappens.htm To help get rid of a zit faster, different people recommend different approaches. Here are a few things you can try: For a white head (where you can see white puss beneath the surface of the skin), you might want to try applying a warm, moist washcloth. This may help bring the puss-filled clog up and out of the pore. Some people like to use steam to open pores and "draw impurities" out of the skin. Be careful not to burn yourself if you do this -- and keep in mind: heat can actually make severe acne worse. If you absolutely MUST pop a whitehead, you can pierce it gently with a sterilized needle to try to let some of the puss out, but don't squeeze. Squeezing a zit can actually push the clog deeper into your pore, and might even rupture the pore, leaking puss and oil into the surrounding skin. This will make the zit bigger, redder and uglier, and it will take longer to heal. (Honestly, you're better off leaving it alone.) For a zit where there is no "head" - where it's just a red bump, some people like using ice instead of heat. Ice applied to this kind of pimple might help reduce swelling and redness. But it won't get rid of the underlying problem. Overnight, you might try piling on a little mountain of medicine or even a little bit of a facial mask designed for oily or acne-prone skin. This will help dry up the pimple. Several companies are also making new pimple "patches". The main ingredient is usually salicylic acid, and the patches work by concentrating medicine right where you need it. Be careful not to overdo it with medications and harsh cleansers. If you irritate your skin, you will only make acne worse. Get more info. about dealing with pimples here: http://www.zaphealth.com/skin_worldsbiggest.htm Read more answers to questions about acne: http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=4&qid=131 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=4&qid=188 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=4&qid=27 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=4&qid=240 http://www.zaphealth.com/php/qna/read_answer.php3?tid=4&qid=438 And remember: Picking or popping zits will spread bacteria, causing more pimples later on. Picking might even cause a permanent scar. So, hands off!

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