"Your not much if your not dutch"

I do what the voices in my head tell me to!

Visualize whirled peas!

I'm not as think as you drunk I am!

My Student beat up your honor student!

Proud parent of a "D" student!

My child is an honor student at the state penitentiary!

Jesus is coming, look busy!

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the earth!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Life is a terminal disease!

Your lucky color has faded!

Reality is a figment of your imagination!

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane!

Was today really necessary?

Discourage imbreeding: ban country music

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine"

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students!"  

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."  

"Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"  

"Warning:  Dates in calendars are closer than they appear." 

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."    

"Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot." 

"He who laughs last thinks slowest." 

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."  

"Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math."    

"Consciousness:  that annoying time between naps." 

"Be nice to your kids.They'll choose your nursing home."  

"Horn broken. Watch for finger." 

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"   

"Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes."   

"Cover me.  I'm changing lanes."  

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools." 

" Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot." 

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep" 

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car..."  

" The gene pool could use a little chlorine."  

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."  

" Don't blame me - I'm from Uranus." 

"Your kid may be an honor student, but YOU'RE still an IDIOT" 

"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."   

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."  

"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"   

"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

"Love cats, dead ones."

I love cats. They taste just like chicken.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
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